“hope is never lost”

I know it’s all you’ve got to just, be strong
And it’s a fight just to keep it together, together
I know you think, that you are too far gone
But hope is never lost…
Just remember that you’re a fighter, a fighter
You never know just what tomorrow holds
And you’re stronger than you know…
Hold on, don’t let go…
Just take, one step, closer
Put one foot in front of the other
You’ll, get through this
Just follow the light in the darkness
You’re gonna be ok
And when the night, is closing in
Don’t give up, and don’t give in
This won’t last, it’s not the end, it’s not the end
You’re gonna be ok
Brian and Jenn Johnson – You’re Gonna Be Ok

I know that I haven’t been faithful about writing, but I needed a little bit of break. I needed to spend some extra time with God, and figure some things out.

But, today, I just want to say, whatever you’re going through… GOD IS FAITHFUL. I found out that I had a lot of medical conditions … slowly. For a time, I was essentially slowly wasting away, and I was losing weight and sleeping all the time to the point where my family and I wondered if I would live to be 18 (I was 16 and 17 around the time). I didn’t respond well at all, which ended up causing depression and a worsening of my already present anxiety.

But God was faithful. He was there every step of the way, bringing me to the right doctors, even if it took several to receive the full list of diagnoses. Recently, I swam 72 consecutive laps before being too tired to continue (66 is a mile). I cannot explain the feelings of joy and thankfulness that I felt when I finished lap 66. When I first got really sick a few years ago, I never would’ve imagined being able to swim a mile – I just wanted to get through practices without having to skip laps. I am doing better, and I am going to be ok, medically.

Psychologically, I am still pushing through. And I love the song I shared, because it reminds me how I got this far medically – one step at a time. It also reminds me that God will be faithful to me in my psychological struggles as well. Even if it isn’t healing to the point where I am totally “normal” (whatever that’s supposed to mean), I am trusting Him to heal me to the point where I can honestly say that I am ok. There have been several times that I wanted to give up everything. It’s been a long road. And it isn’t over. But I will fight to live for Him with every breath I have left, because He has redeemed me spiritually and restored my health.

Just wanted to give a quick shout-out to a few people. To my freshman year roommate, thanks for giving me the strength to fight until I found the strength I needed in Christ. You have truly changed my life and I will be forever grateful of your willingness to tell what I needed to hear, if I really didn’t want to hear it. To my friends in InterVarsity and the small group Bible studies, thanks for the support and prayers and love. To my friend who I have known since we were, what, like 7?, thanks for our walks and card-making sessions. To my friends at AWANA, I am sorry that it took me so long to be honest about what I was dealing with. Thanks for your patience, love, and prayers. To my family and other friends – even if you didn’t think you did anything, you probably did. Just smiling or sending me a card on my birthday or anything like that makes me a little happier and gave me a reason to fight when I was still searching for my purpose in Christ. I love you all.

And to God, I will be forever indebted to You for your grace and love. Your blessings to me are more than words can describe. I will be forever grateful of your healing and grace and love and patience and… and everything else.

 

To anyone who’s struggling out there – it might seem impossible right now. Keep searching for a glimmer of light in the dark places. Keep fighting, and keep trusting the Lord to be faithful. He will never let you go.

You are so much stronger than you know. Anyone with an invisible chronic illness or psychological disorder knows that it’s hard being called lazy or a health freak or whatever because people don’t realize you’re not ok. But you are stronger than you know, because they don’t see how hard you fought to get out of bed and take a shower and brush your hair and brush your teeth and go to class or work or wherever you needed to be on time. And hopefully, one day, you won’t have to fight so hard. But even if you do, God will be faithful through it all. And if your struggles aren’t invisible, then you are facing different struggles that the rest of us cannot begin to understand. We don’t know how much strength it takes for you to fight each of your battles.

I heard this on the radio yesterday, and I decided to share it. You can’t compare your situation to that of someone else, because you might be in different seasons. You might be in winter and see them enjoying summer, but you weren’t there to see them go through fall and winter and spring to get to summer. Keep holding on, because your summer is coming, just at different time for you than it did for them.

Keep fighting, one step at a time. You’re gonna be ok.

dear younger me: stay strong

Dear younger me,
Where do I start? If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far, then you could be one step ahead of all the painful memories still running thru my head. I wonder how much different things would be….

Dear younger me,
I cannot decide. Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life, or do I go deep and try to change the choices that you’ll make, ’cause they’re choices that made me. Even though I love this crazy life, sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride….

You are holy, you are righteous, you are one of the redeemed. Set apart, a brand new heart – you are free indeed! Every mountain, every valley, through each heartache you will see every moment brings you closer to who you were meant to be.

(Mercy Me, “Dear Younger Me”)

Dear younger me,

If you could read this, it wouldn’t change anything. Sometimes, I wish I could go back in time and tell you that you can’t do just one scrape and stop. I wish I could tell you not to blame yourself for the deaths that weren’t within your control. But then I realize that some of the choice you’ll make were the choices that strengthened me and developed my character and my faith in God. So, it will be a rough ride, but your choices will make you who you were made to be. Keep fighting, because God will start making your brokenness into something beautiful. I know you can’t see it now, but one day you will.

There is something you need to know. It gets worse first. It’s going to get way worse. You will create a living nightmare with images that haunt you every day. It will feel like it can’t get worse… but it does. At one you will break and come really close to ending your life, but that night God will work a miracle. After that night, you’ll realize that suicide is not an option.

After that, you will start really fighting everything and really trying to get better. Things will get much, much worse. You will hurt so much that you will wish you could escape from your own head. You will end up fighting several bad coping mechanisms all at once. You will live every day praying to make it to the next day without hurting yourself. You will burst into tears at random points in the day, because the pain is too much to keep inside. You will have to leave classes for 5-10 minutes to re-collect yourself. You will become terrified of being alone in lab because of the scalpels and razor blades in the room. But you will keep fighting, and things will slowly get better.

One more thing. You are not in control. There is Someone out there who is way bigger and way stronger. He got this. So, Grandma and your friends and everything else that you wanted to control — put it into God’s hands. I’m still working on that, and it’s easier said than done. But just know this: you are not in control, and it is totally ok. You don’t need to be in control, because God is. He has got everything figured out, so just rest in Him.

Right now, it still hurts almost every day. I still wish I could bring Grandma back. I still struggle with the temptation to hurt myself. I still struggle with the temptation to skip meals. But I know that God is here. The pain is real, but it is temporary. God is real. Hold onto Him. Stay strong.

Just a note from the older you.

an encounter with light

Written in my journal in mid-February….

Today was beautiful. God is awesome, and I was reminded of that today. I am at InterVarsity’s winter conference.

The past week before coming here involved breaking down several times. I am seeing a counselor, and we discussed some deep things recently. Together, we reached the conclusion that panic attacks were no longer my biggest struggle. At one point, they were. But, at some point in time, another issue reached the forefront: repressed emotions. I have been repressing emotions for years. Some emotions come through the cracks but not always to their full extent, and sometimes they do not surface at all.

So, back to this particular week. I’ve been having a lots of little moments this week where bits and pieces would surface, and I would just start crying. I was not totally sure at the time what it was that needed released, but I knew that something needed to come out. I have been praying all weekend that whatever needed to be released could be released so that I wouldn’t go back to my college with the same buried issue. Tonight, though, I did not pray one of my normal, everyday kind of prayers. It was a cry out to the Living God. It was a plea for freedom from the very depths of my soul. It was a cry for the One who defeated death to break the chains that had me so trapped for so many years.

After a few minutes of that, this feeling of darkness washed over me, but it didn’t consume me. It was all the bad emotions I’ve suppressed over the years. It felt dark and cold and … broken. I felt the brokenness, the disconnect between what I felt and what life was originally designed to be before the entry of sin in the Garden of Eden. These feelings were accompanied by images of scenes where people hurt me and of other bad experiences that impacted my life greatly. It was terrifying. It was far worse than my worst panic attack. It was worse than hallucinations of monsters I’ve had in the past. It was real, raw emotions. It was like 10 years worth of pain and emotions, all at once. I was sobbing, and making that like wail-like sort of sound. Tears were pouring in rivers down my face, to my shirt, my lap, the floor… I was a mess. But, somehow, I was okay with that. I was at peace with all of it. I knew that God was there, and I knew my prayers were being answered. I knew that it would pass, and I had to let it happen. I knew that if I tried to stop it, then it would not accomplish fully its purpose.

But then, when the darkness was draining out, this light came flooding in, along with joy and hope and more peace than I ever thought was possible to exist. I am pretty sure I started laughing at some point, just because I couldn’t contain the joy that filled my entire being. I was shaking, to, because the amount of hope and joy and light and life…. my body couldn’t contain all of it.

May I never forget what happened tonight. May I always remember that He is the peace amidst the most scary thing I’ve ever known. Let me never forget that His light shatters the darkness, and the darkness cannot even attempt to fight back, because the light is too powerful. Fear and peace don’t have to be antonyms, and aren’t antonyms for those who place their hope and trust in Christ. I was terrified, but still at perfect rest.


What God did that night was a miracle. He worked through my hurt and my pain to do something beautiful. This, too, is a part of my story. And I cannot keep it hidden. What is written above was recorded in my journal (with some minor edits) on February 18, 2017. I have avoided telling my family and some people about it, but I shouldn’t do that. It is a story of how God works in broken places and it is now a part of my history.

getting that initial diagnosis: some days it will be hard and that is ok

A little about me… I am a college student with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, hypocholesterolemia, and some other medical stuff. Getting that first diagnosis is hard.

Getting that diagnosis is confusing. It made me wonder what the rest of my life would be like. I wondered how much it would affect me every day until the day I would die. I wondered how long I would live, and I caught myself googling the name of each diagnosis followed by life expectancy. I started reading other people’s stories and life hacks for managing these diagnoses. I read about all the diagnoses and the vitamins and supplements I was given.

Adjusting is also really hard, but I think the hardest part is managing all the emotions that come up. Confusion. Anger. Frustration. Fear. And then all the questions too: How do I deal with this? Why does my doctor seem to be so confused by these lab results? Which doctor do I go to next? Why did all those other doctors not understand this? Why did no one pick up on this when I was 11 and was tested for this then? Why me? Why now? Why can’t I do this the way I used to be able to?

Getting that initial diagnosis is hard, and it can be really confusing, especially when you know there is a missing piece that doctors do not understand. It is frustrating when you have to wake up at 6 to get up by 8. It is frustrating when you cannot play the piano on some days because your hands are too shaky. It is frustrating when you have to take breaks in sports practice and eat a ton of food – just to prevent passing out. And it might get better, but it might not. It might get better, but it might be hard every day, for the rest of your life. If you were looking for false hope, I am not giving it here. It’s pointless. It might not get better. But that’s ok. You might not be able to do things the same way, and maybe there will be missed opportunities. But that is ok.

We who have chronic illnesses have something that others do not. We can relate to each other. I have really strong bonds with others that have chronic illnesses, because we understand what it’s like to have to miss a class because of having a rough day and not being able to get out of bed until later. We also have beautiful stories. I could tell you about 400 different times that God spoke to me through the autoimmune disease and the other things. God works through us in unique and different ways. Our pain can be beautiful. Our testimony can lead others to Christ. Our weakness can show the strength of Christ within us.

So, to anyone who just got a scary diagnosis, it is going to be hard. You have a long journey ahead. But Christ gives strength! Trust Him, for He is painting a beautiful story that includes your pain and your weakness.

daniel 1, part 1

Daniel 1. It’s the story about how Daniel and his friends got kidnapped with a bunch of other people and were told to eat the food and wine of the king. Daniel asked if him and his friends could eat vegetables and were put on a trial period. They ended up being healthier than the others. Pretty simple story, right? If you’ve grown up in the church, you’ve heard it at least 10 times – if not like 500 times. But there is a lot more to it.

First, let’s talk about Daniel. Rich, handsome, intelligent (vs 3-4). He was instructed to eat “of the food that the king ate, and of the wine that he drank” (vs 5). There was no choice, but he decided that he would not eat the king’s food. (If you want to better understand why the food is a big deal, check out Exodus 34:15.) He goes to the chief of the eunuchs to ask about eating something else. This was a pretty daring move. He is in enemy territory, and they could have hurt him – or worse. Afraid of the king, the chief of the eunuchs says no. He goes then to the steward and requests a trial period in which he eat vegetables and drink water for ten days. Daniel didn’t give up. He set his mind to doing God’s will and believed that God would take care of it. Seeing that they looked better than the others, they were allowed to continue this diet. And God blessed them for it, because He gave them “learning and skill in all literature and wisdom, and Daniel had understanding in all visions an dreams” (vs 17). It continues, “And in every matter of wisdom and understanding about which the king inquired of them, he found them ten times better than all the magicians and enchanters that were in all his kingdom” (vs. 20).

So, in summary, Daniel had to make a really tough decision. He chose to follow God when that wasn’t an option. Because he followed God and did His will, God blessed Him and allowed Him to prosper where he was. We have difficult decisions to make, and sometimes there is no other choice. We need to figure out what is holding us back from faith like Daniel’s, and then we need to just fix it.

a reflection on life in light of the ressurection

I know, I missed an entire week of posting. I needed to take some time to think and process things. I needed to take some time to think about who God is and who I am in light of that. I learned some things this week. None of it was really new, but it reminded me why I need to continue the fight.

Isaiah 53 prophecies Jesus’ death on the cross. He suffered for us. He suffered so that we could be healed and made whole. Isaiah 53:5 says that “by His stripes we are healed.” Because of His wounds, we can be made free.

Let’s think about this for a moment. We say God can do anything, right? Then, why did Jesus have to die? Can’t God just forgive everyone? This kind of thinking puts us in a weird place. It puts us in the place where we find questions like, “Can God make a stone so big He can’t lift it?” Rather than talking about what He can do, let’s think about what He will do. If we know that He won’t do something, then it doesn’t really matter if He can do it or not, because He isn’t going to do it even if He could. To put this into simpler words, it makes more sense for us to talk about what He will or will not do than to talk about what He can or cannot do.

That said, He won’t do anything that is not consistent with His promises and with His character. Because He is holy, just, and righteous, it would be inconsistent with His character for Him to allow sinners to go free. Because He is loving and merciful, it would be inconsistent with His character for Him to not show mercy and grace. Therefore, He could not let sinners go free, and He had to provide some sort of redemption. That is why Jesus had to die on the cross. Jesus died so that we don’t have to die (spiritually).

So, then, what does this mean for us? It means that the God of the universe sent His only Son to die for us so that we could be made free. It means that Jesus left heaven to die for simple-minded humans who cannot begin to understand the idea of infinity. It means that we are loved by the one who can strike people dead and can heal sickness. 1 Corinthians 6:20 says, “For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s” (NKJV). We were purchased with His blood. We are made whole through His suffering. We are healed to serve Him. Our bodies are His, and our spirits are His. This means that we need to glorify Him in the way that we treat ourselves. Self-harm hurts Him too, because we belong to Him. If we waste our lives, if we give up this fight, it’s over. It’s over and there is no going back. We have one life, and once it’s gone, it’s gone. Don’t make a permanent decision to end the struggle of something temporary. Keep fighting, and keep living for Him, because one day those who trust in Him will be in heaven, a place with no more pain and no more tears.

And if you don’t know Jesus as your personal Savior, I can tell you right now that you will not find hope anywhere else. I haven’t found peace anywhere else and I don’t know anyone who has. You will never be at peace until you’re whole, and only Jesus can fill the empty you feel. If you want to talk to someone about this, email me via the contact form on the about page. I’d love to answer any questions and let you know about some resources.

Don’t give up, because you only have one life. Give up your life and it’s gone. You were bought at a price, so use your life and your body to glorify Him.

learning to rest in the peace and promises of God

I Will Rest – City Harbor
I will rest, I will rest
In the promises that You
Have given me
I will rest, I will rest
All Your goodness
And Your mercy follow me
They follow me

I will not fear
I won’t forget
That you are always near
Even when the road I walk’s unclear
In the waiting I’ll be still
And know that You are God, You are God

You’re my Shelter, my Refuge
Fortress for my soul
I will trust You
You’re my Shepherd, my Rescue
Forever my stronghold
I will trust You, trust You

Calm. Peace. Rest. Safe. Those words should be comforting, but sometimes they feel a bit intimidating. They feel like an impossible dream sometimes. People talk about we don’t have to be anxious because we have God, but that’s easier said than done – especially for someone with generalized anxiety disorder.

Sometimes, we think that putting up walls will make us more safe. So we keep it in. We internalize it. But the best thing to do is to take it – all of it – to God. We are commanded in Philippians 4:6, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” We are to bring our requests before God with thanksgiving. Ever prayed and felt worse? You probably came to God with the wrong attitude. I tend to do that a lot. Sometimes, I don’t go to Him to prevent having that weird feeling. We want God to fix everything and forget to give thanks for what He has already given us. We focus on the anxiety and the bad memories instead of remembering His promises and the good memories.

Philippians 4:7 continues, “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” I have felt the peace of God and it is a beautiful feeling that is beyond words. It only comes when most needed. This is just a theory, but I wonder if it rarely comes so that we can appreciate it more in those few moments when it is there. A few years ago, I was dealing with some medical issues and wasn’t getting answers. I was sick. I had lost a lot of weight and was constantly tired. My doctor and mom were afraid I’d only live for another year. I had a few diagnoses but something was missing. That day, I screamed at God. Tears streamed down my cheeks. This lasted for a while; I don’t even know how long. All of a sudden, I half-fell into my chair. I was crying still, but I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t happy but I had this sort of contentment and peace. It came out of nowhere. I remember vividly the way it felt, but I can’t really describe it. It’s so beautiful that there aren’t words in English to describe it. I guess things kind of happened out of order that day: I brought everything to God, then felt His peace, and then brought it to Him with thanksgiving. (I did see another doctor and am doing really well now though still have some symptoms.)

The song I quoted at the beginning is one that has been encouraging to me lately. It talks about how we often put up walls for protection but end up not being strong enough. It talks about resting in God’s promises. Resting in His promises has two parts: remembering how He has always kept His promises and believing that He will keep His promises. Resting in His promises is remembering that this isn’t your first panic attack, and that He has been there for every one. Resting in His promises is believing that He is always there and you can never escape His love. Resting in God is living, struggling, fighting with the peace of knowing that we will one day be in a place with no more pain and no more suffering. And with this rest comes a spirit of thanksgiving. You can’t reflect on how He has always been there without being at least a tiny bit thankful.

2016 was very challenging emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. To be honest, I didn’t expect to live to 2017. A lot has changed in the last few weeks. I’m growing closer to Christ, and I want to get better. I am learning to rest in the God who gives me the strength to do what my anxiety tells me I can’t. I have been drawing energy and strength to keep fighting from the God who gives rest in the middle of the storm. For me, resting in God is like feeling a sense a peace while in a kayak without a paddle on the Pacific Ocean during a typhoon. Everything around me is still hard and I have to keep fighting every day.

God brought me through 2016, and He will give me the strength to survive the storms of 2017.

16 lessons from 2016

It feels like an understatement to say that it has been a rough year. I hallucinated this creature every now and then from April to October. When I wasn’t hallucinating, I was worried that I would. My panic attacks got worse because I stopped internalizing them and decided to face them head on. My depression was worse this year. Despite everything bad that happened this year, it’s been a good year. I went on a family vacation, on a mission trip, and to a Christian conference. I made new friends and became closer with old ones. I learned a lot about myself and about trusting others. I finally started seeing a counselor. So, 2016 has been a really hard year, but it has also been a really great year.

Without further ado, and in no particular order, 16 lessons from 2016:

  1. God uses those who are willing and not just those who are the most qualified. I didn’t have to be a construction worker to go a a mission trip. I wasn’t a pro, but I got the job done.
  2. God enables those who are willing to serve Him to complete the tasks He gives. I never thought I would be leading a Bible study or writing a blog or going on a mission trip this year, but He called me to these things and gives the strength for the completion of the task.
  3. I won’t always be able to feel God, but that’s okay. Maybe we only feel God when we need to the most. If we felt Him all the time, we would probably lose the awe and wonder that comes when we can feel His presence.
  4. I don’t need to know all the answers. I don’t know always know why God allows His children to hurt. This year, I have been trying to remind myself that He has a plan and a purpose for suffering.
  5. Suffering teaches us how beautiful God’s blessings are. We need the dark to appreciate the importance of light. Maybe we need suffering to appreciate the beauty in friendship, laughter, and all of His many blessings.
  6. God works on His clock. Sometimes, a 1.5-hour worship session needs to last about 3 hours for God’s work to be accomplished. We need to be willing to adjust our schedules to work around His timing.
  7. I don’t spend enough time with God. I have started something where I pray at the end of the day without looking at the time. I need to do this more often, because it feels pretty awesome, just spending sometimes almost 2 hours with God.
  8. God never leaves. He is always there. Looking back on this year, I can see the times when God worked. He worked in times that I wasn’t even confident if He was there.
  9. The God of today is the same as the God of the Bible. If you had asked me if I believed this truth earlier this year, I would’ve said that I did. But deep down, I didn’t live like I believed it – until a few months ago.
  10. God still works miracles all the time, but it doesn’t mean He will. Sometimes, He does allow death and suffering, but sometimes He heals and works miracles. I used to have fibromyalgia but God healed that over the course of about 24 hours.
  11. It’s ok to miss someone. I still miss someone who died over a year ago, and that’s ok, as long as I move on and continue living my life.
  12. Anxiety isn’t always a bad thing. To be honest, I think my anxiety has saved me from making a lot of bad decisions that I was afraid to make at the time. I later realized that the decision was not a good one.
  13. It’s really important that close friends know about panic attacks and other psychological stuff. I don’t mean just like your one best friend, but anyone that you consider a close friend. If you actually think you can’t tell them, they might not be a good person to have as a close friend.
  14. When you don’t tell close friends about personal things, it hurts both you and them. It hurts you because they can’t help you. It hurts them because a good friend would wonder why you didn’t tell them if they found out later (and they often do) and would want to support you.
  15. “Sorry” means nothing without action. One word can’t take back what I said or did. Saying sorry and meaning it is one step, but it means nothing if the same thing happens again and again and again.
  16. I only have one shot at life, and I don’t want to waste it. I have one shot. No day will come again. I need to enjoy the day I have been given, panic attacks and all, because there is beauty in life that I’ll miss if I focus on the anxiety and heartache.

why i know God exists

I know God exists. He is real, and He is living and breathing. I can’t prove it to you. But you also can’t prove to me that He doesn’t exist. Let me explain. I could say things like He has changed my life, I have had way to many “coincidences” to keep believing that they are coincidences, etc., etc., etc. And you could say things like God wouldn’t allow so many bad things happen, those coincidences are actually coincidences, I am insane for thinking a supernatural being changed my life, etc., etc., etc. Yes, there is no solid evidence for His existence. But there is no solid evidence that He doesn’t exist either. And that’s where faith comes in. Faith comes in when there is no solid evidence. Faith is believing in something to the extent that it becomes real for you.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1).

When there is no evidence, faith becomes the evidence. I chose to believe that God exists, and I see everything in the light that He exists. When a friend intersected my path at the right moment, preventing me from doing things I would regret forever, I thanked God for that and credited it to God. Someone who didn’t believe in God might just say that it was a lucky coincidence. What you believe changes the way you see things. What you believe becomes your reality, because you see the world in light of that.

Take a minute to read this excerpt from C.S. Lewis. It’s a long quote but it’s really good.

My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust? If the whole show was bad and senseless from A to Z, so to speak, why did I, who was supposed to be part of the show, find myself in such a violent reaction against it?… Of course I could have given up my idea of justice by saying it was nothing but a private idea of my own. But if I did that, then my argument against God collapsed too–for the argument depended on saying the world was really unjust, not simply that it did not happen to please my fancies. Thus, in the very act of trying to prove that God did not exist – in other words, that the whole of reality was senseless – I found I was forced to assume that one part of reality – namely my idea of justice – was full of sense. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never have known it was dark. Dark would be without meaning (bold added for emphasis).

We know that there is evil in the world because we know that something exists that is better than that. That is how I know God exists. I know there is evil in the world but I know there is also something better than that. Take some time to think about this one from Lecrae:

If I’m wrong about God then I’ve wasted my life. If you’re wrong about God then you’ve wasted your eternity.

What you believe becomes your reality, to an extent. God exists, whether you believe that or not. Without a loving God, we wouldn’t understand why rejection hurts so much. But whether or not you believe does have its consequences. If you believe Jesus died and saved you from your sins, then His sacrifice will cover the punishment for your sin. But if you choose not to believe in God, then you will suffer the consequences.

I have chosen to risk it all for God, because I believe that He lives and breathes and will never let me go. And I also believe that I would rather waste my life living for someone who doesn’t exist than have to suffer for eternity because I ignored the existence of God.