My grandma died in June 2015, and it hasn’t been an easy journey since. But every difficult day is a reminder of one thing: I can’t change the past. I have a lot of regrets, and I could have prevented at least some of them. But I can’t change that now. I need to learn and move on – but that is much harder said than done.
There is a very likely possibility that she may have died intentionally because of the decision to skip medications she needed. In looking back, I see other signs that seems to make this very likely possibility even more probable. This is the source of many regrets, and I am learning that I cannot blame myself for what I did not realize was happening. The questions that I ask myself are: what if I said “I love you” more often, and should I have prayed for her more, and what else could I have done differently.
With my grandpa, who died about two years before my grandma, I ended every visit with “I love you” and made sure I meant those words in my heart, so that I would not regret the last thing I spoke to him. Looking back, I can say that the last words I ever told him were “I love you.” I started this less than a year before his passing, when it was becoming increasingly more evident that he would soon pass away. I didn’t this with my grandma. She wasn’t getting increasingly more sick, and she seemed to be doing fine. I know of similar stories. I have had friends of friends die recently. Healthy young adults die of heart attacks, teenagers end their lives after showing no signs,…
Live with no regrets. Tell people you love them. Who knows? It might be the last time you see them. Leave nothing unsaid. You might not have another chance to tell them what you need to say. This is the hardest part for me, because I tend to procrastinate the more difficult conversations. Don’t go to sleep angry, because they might not be there tomorrow to forgive. Life is short. It is here, and then it is gone. Don’t forget that. I made that mistake once, and I have to live with the decisions I made. I also have to move on; for me, moving on means learning and not repeating that same mistake.
Live with no regrets. Tell people that you love them. Leave nothing unsaid. Don’t go to sleep angry. Remember that life is short. One day, tomorrow won’t come, so live with no regrets.