i lost my best friend

I lost my best friend. She got angry. And I honestly don’t understand it. I just want to know what I did wrong. What I could do differently. Like I would do anything to get my best friend back. She meant the world to me and she saved my life. And now she won’t speak to me. I would do anything for her, I would change anything to get my friend back. Losing her is breaking my heart. I don’t know what to do.

I have spent most of my time in bed, bimge eating some days, skipping meals other days… I can’t do anything because my body is so weak. She gave me so much strength. I need my best friend back.

i am ok (not)

“How are you?”

“Good, thanks, how are you?”

“Doing just fine.”

That sounds a lot like many of the 1-minute conversations we have with people. And I get it… with strangers, sure. Like sometimes I don’t want to tell someone I met 30 seconds that I have OCD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Deppressive Disorder and that I have been struggling a lot lately. And honestly, I think that’s ok… just being real: they probably don’t want to know either. But with friends? With people I have known for years? With my closest friends? Why am I so scared? I often want them to know.. but just don’t have it in me to tell them! And, I do this all the time, and I really don’t know what makes me do it. Like sometimes I blame it on all the friends that abandoned me when I needed them the most… because that was a dark time in my life and I have some emotional trauma from that… but sometimes I wonder if it’s something else that’s holding me back from vulnerability and honesty.

Would love to hear your experiences with wanting someone to know but not wanting to tell them, if you have experienced it.

Also, now on insta as well… @chasingafterlight_